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Forget tiny chihuahuas peeping out of handbags à la Paris Hilton, or Taylor Swift with her adorably grumpy looking Scottish Fold cats who have
become celebrities in their own right.
When it comes to capturing my heart with a cuddly creature, it's the likes of Arnold
Schwarzenegger, 75, who's reinvented himself as the internet's favourite granddad
with his wholesome life with a menagerie of animals, who has won me over.
The jewel in the crown of his ever-growing brood of beasts is Schnelly the pig, who joined the family
in April last year, making the star the latest in a long list of celebrities to realise the joys of a
porky pal - along with Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus and the Beckhams.
I'm completely smitten with the cuteness of pet pigs. I lose
hours scrolling through Instagram, looking at pictures of furry little piglets with pretty pink snouts.
There are 255,000 Insta posts with the hashtag #petpig and I've probably looked at all
of them. Then there's the 286,000 posts hashtagged #micropig and
I'd hazard a guess that I've seen all of those too.
So I'm rather excited to discover that there's a pig farm less than an hour from central London, where I can find out what
it's really like to have a porcine pet.
While celebrities might get away with turning up
to photoshoots, TV appearances and fancy restaurants with all manner of furry creatures,
will I get the same reception if I take a pig for a stroll down the high street?
Samantha Rea from London strolling down the
high street in Old Amersham with Astrid, a
16 month old micro pig
The pair stopped off at The Griffin, a private members club,
bistro and bakery, for some refreshments after a trot down the high
street
Samantha Rea spent time at the Kew Little Pig Farm in Amersham,
Buckinghamshire to learn how to muck out and care for pigs
Learning how to feed hay to the pigs did make Samantha question whether it's easier to stick with a dog
or cat as a pet
I'm hoping the Kew Little Pigs Farm will help me
find out. It specialises in miniature pigs,
which pig lovers can buy or 'adopt' to visit on the farm.
Then there are the day trips. The Piggy Pet & Play package
lets visitors 'pet, brush, groom, watch and play with the pigs.' The Pig Enthusiast package can include putting sun cream on the pigs, and the Comprehensive Guide to Pig Keeping teaches you everything you need to know before buying your own micro pig.
Clearly I must go there!
And so I head to Amersham, in Buckinghamshire, where Kew Little Pigs
Farm is based.
When I arrive, owner Olivia Mikhail looks slightly concerned at the sight of my Converse
trainers and cropped jeans, a combination that will surely result in splattered shins.
However, Olivia has no idea just how prepared I actually am, because I have packed not only knee high wellies for my time on the farm, but also my designer heels,
for my glimpse into what life's like as a pig-owning celebrity.
Arnold Schwarzenegger with Schnelly the pig, who joined his menagerie of pets in April last year
Ariane Grande and Pete Davidson adopted Piggy Smallz during their short-lived romance in 2018
Comedian John Bishop was left devastated when his
rescue pig Milo passed away last year, describing him as the 'heartbeat' of the family
Paris Hilton started the chihuahuas in handbags craze, and is also the proud owner
of Princess Piglette
George Clooney, Paris Hilton, Miley Cyrus, Jonathan Ross, Charlotte Church and even the Beckhams have all kept pigs
as pets over the past decade or so, while more recently Ariane
Grande and Pete Davidson adopted Piggy Smallz during their
short-lived romance.
Comedian John Bishop gave rescue pig Milo a home for
more than a decade and was devastated when the pet passed away, saying he was the 'heartbeat' of
the family.
They're as much a celeb accessory as oversized sunglasses - which is why I've
brought those with me too.
But first things first. Before I spend an afternoon taking a petite pig for a stroll,
I sit down with Olivia in the Kew Little Pigs
cafe, to complete the theory side of the Comprehensive Guide to Pig Keeping.
It turns out there is quite a lot of admin involved in owning a pig,
alongside a rule book thicker than Harry Potter.
Who knew that you needed a license to walk a pig?
Who would imagine that you can't feed pigs your kitchen leftovers?
It used to be common practice, but has been banned because of the
risk of diseases such as African swine flu and
foot and mouth disease that can be spread by consuming contaminated pork products.
Who can fathom having to fill out a form to drive your pig from one place to another - again for disease control reasons?
After all the admin and mucking out, Samantha was delighted to
move on to the fun part - cuddles with Astrid
Samantha found that mucking out the pig pen was actually a lot more civilised than picking
up poo on a dog walk
Samantha came armed with wellies for her day at the farm, but made sure to keep it glamorous
After swapping her flimsy trainers for wellies, Samantha felt
equipped to tackle her day on the farm
And who would guess that pigs have to have their own house?
I mean, it's only got to be about the size of shed, but it's actually
a law to uphold welfare standards.
I suppose none of this is an issue for celebrities who have people to do paperwork for them - not to mention acres of space - but
to me it seems insurmountable.
Olivia senses that my dreams are crushed and attempts to reassure me:
'It's really not that much paperwork. Look, filling in this
form would take two minutes.'
Moving on from the theory, we head outside for the practical part of the course.
Here, in large pens, are lots of little pigs which are super cute,
so this makes me happy.
I am given a rake to claw the pig poo into a dustpan. Both
the rake and the dustpan have long handles and I like the distance
this creates. It is certainly more civilised than picking up poo in a flimsy plastic bag on a
dog walk.
Clearing away pig excrement with proper equipment which allows you to maintain a civilised,
and sanitary, distance makes me wonder if - despite the paperwork - pigs might just trump dogs.
Samantha was worried she might attract stares walking Astrid through
town, but nobody batted an eyelid
Samantha treated herself to a hot chocolate while Astrid enjoyed some pig treats
Samantha swapped her wellington boots for high heels to glam
up to take her pet pig down to the town centre for lunch
Taking a pig out for a walk is trickier than it looks, and a lot of treats are required to
keep things on track
Next, Olivia asks if I would like to feed the pigs. Yes of course!
She hands me some hay that's stuffed inside what's basically a large fishnet stocking, the size of
Santa's sack. The hay sticks out of all the holes, and it's my
job to hang up the sack in the pig pen, so the pigs can eat from it.
This sounds easy. Only it's not. 'NOT THERE! NO! IT'S GOT TO BE HIGHER!
TIE IT ROUND THE POST! NO! NOT LIKE THAT! NO!'
I feel like a failing contestant on The Crystal Maze, only
this is worse because I'm now surrounded by hungry pigs and
I cannot see a panic button.
I swear there was something on Netflix where murdered bodies were dumped in a pig pen, to be eaten by
the pigs. Or maybe the bodies were eaten alive.
This definitely happens all the time, according to TV, and
now I don't even know which is worse, the prospect of being felled by pigs
eating through my ankles, or the pressure to hang the hay correctly.
It is like my challenge on The Crystal Maze has been especially devised to amuse the inhabitants of hell.
I find myself grateful to make it out of the pig pen alive.
Surely I get to do celebrity stuff now?
Celebrities' pigs are as stylish as their owners, so I've sourced designer outfits for my
trottered chums. I'd initially looked at diamond chokers by Dior, because what pig wouldn't want a diamond collar?
But apparently pigs are happier in harnesses, which fit around the body,
not just the neck.
I hunt for a harness that an A-lister might pick for their pig, and
I am delighted to discover a pink leopard print harness with a matching lead.
It is by Urban Pup, a pet fashion brand whose website I've now spent more
time on than all the other websites in my search history.
There's the zebra print, the cheetah print, the pink argyle; the florals, the tartans, and the
hearts. There's the range inspired by Legally Blonde and the pet carrier that resembles a pink Chanel handbag.
Then there are the socks…
I turn up at the farm with more outfits for the pigs than I
have for myself. I guess this is what it's like being a pig parent:
#SELFLESS
I am introduced to Astrid, a 16 month old micro piglet who'll fulfill my dreams of walking a pig.
I show Olivia all the outfits I've brought from Urban Pup and
she picks out a pink tartan harness with a matching lead.
I want to dress up all the pigs but Olivia says no.
That's OK. There is probably some law about only one pig at a
time looking this stunning.
When Astrid and I are dressed, we head into Old Amersham.
It's a pretty market town in the Chilterns with
cobbled streets and quaint white buildings with beams.
So how will locals feel about a pig on a lead?
I imagine I may be sternly spoken to by a member of the
Women's Institute. However, it turns out that Old Amersham is perfectly au fait with celebrity antics, given that Poirot, Midsomer Murders and
Four Weddings and a Funeral have all been filmed there.
On my pig keeping course I have learnt that pigs never poo
where they eat, sleep or socialise, because they're very clean,
so from day one, without any training, a pig will go outside
to poo.
I am surprised then, as I arrive in Old Amersham, to find
that Astrid has done her business in her carry box.
I try not to think about this, as I hold her lead.
Our first stop is the Amersham Museum. I'm not a massive fan of walking around
looking at things, but I hear the museum homes a Tudor dining table that
visitors are welcome to sit at. It is about lunchtime, so I'm hopeful
I'll be served a Tudor banquet. I quite fancy
a tankard of wine and a bit of wild boar.
Unfortunately, Astrid does not, and so, despite being welcomed by museum director Briony, we leave pretty much as soon as we arrive.
We go for a stroll instead, but I have to
scatter pig food pellets to coax Astrid along the pavement.
I guess celebrities get their assistants to walk ahead, trailing treats to entice the pet pigs in the right direction.
Hard at work: Writer Samantha Rea tried the Comprehensive
Guide to Pig Keeping, which teaches you everything you need to know before buying your own micro pig
However, doing it without an assistant, I find myself thinking that it's definitely easier to walk a dog.
Celebrity life is about lounging in luxurious surroundings, so Astrid and I head to The Griffin, a private
members club, bistro and bakery, that's pretty much the Soho
House of Amersham.
In the beamed building that dates back to the 17th century, there are gorgeous leather sofas
and cosy cushions. However, I have learnt on my pig keeping course that pigs are happiest alfresco, so Astrid and
I take a seat on the astro-turf terrace, beneath a pretty parasol that wouldn't be out
of place in a Cotswolds shoot for Tatler.
It is here, as we relax like A-listers, that Astrid and I are at our happiest.
As I sip a coffee and eye-up a chocolate brownie (I'm being a celebrity, remember, I don't
actually eat these things), Astrid puts her trotters up on the seat beside me and enjoys a few pig
food pellets.
Clearly this is our natural environment, so it's probably
just a matter of time before Astrid is snapped up by a celebrity to live life
first class.
But for now, Astrid must mooch back to the mud, and I must head home to wash pig poo off my wellies.
I am chuffed to bits to have spent an afternoon with Astrid, but as I think it all over, on the train back to Marylebone, I know that I'll never keep a pig
as a pet.
Aside from all the legal red tape, my lack of space in London, and the trickiness of trying to take a pig for a walk, there's always the fear that the micro
pig might turn out to be not so tiny after all.
I've seen headlines about 4 ounce "teacup" pigs growing bigger than a bear, and frankly I find it terrifying.
So I'll leave the pet pigs to the celebrities.
LondonParis Hilton
Joker: Folie À Deux is heading to streaming, just weeks after its theatrical release.
The movie, starring Joaquin Phoenix and Lady Gaga, will be available to rent from home starting October 29,
in an effort to recoup some of Warner Bros. investment into the film, as per Variety.
The musical, which bombed at the box office, is 'poised to lose at least $150 million to $200 million in its theatrical run'
according to the publication.
The movie studio spent about $200 million to
produce the film and about $100 million on marketing and distribution, according
to the report.
It would need to gross about $450 million at the box office
to break even — when factoring in the cut taken by theaters —
though Warner Bros. sources claim the number is
$375 million.
Joker: Folie À Deux, starring Joaquin Phoenix and Lady Gaga, is heading to streaming, just weeks after its
theatrical release; Phoenix and Gaga seen in a still
Read More
Terrifier 3 dethrones Joker: Folie À Deux as box office champ
A Warner Bros. spokesperson responded to the report,
saying 'Any estimates suggested by anonymous "insiders" or "rival executives" are
grossly wrong and continues a trend where rumor is reported as fact.'
'The film continues to play in theatrical release,
included with this week's opening in China, and will continue to earn revenue
throughout its home viewing and ancillary run.'
So far, the musical about Batman's nemesis has grossed $51.5 million domestically and $165 million globally after two weeks of release.
In comparison, the first Joker grossed $96.2 million domestically and $248.4 million globally after three days
of release.
The hotly-anticipated sequel to the 2019 billion dollar Oscar-winning film was considered a surefire hit
for Warner Bros Pictures, yet ended up being slammed by critics and failed to ignite at the box office.
Joker: Folie À Deux has garnered the lowest CinemaScore in comic book
movie history as the film bombed at the box office on opening night.
The psychological musical thriller — which has been criticized as 'bleak' and 'disappointing'
— officially released in theaters on Friday, October
4.
Phoenix reprised his role as the Joker in the sequel, which had earned him an Oscar for his portrayal in the 2019 film, while Gaga took on the role of Harleen Lee Quinzel (Harley Quinn).
However, Joker: Folie À Deux has been given a D rating on CinemaScore — the lowest score for a comic book movie.
The movie will be available to rent from home starting October 29,
in an effort to recoup some of Warner Bros. investment into the film, according to Variety
The film is 'poised to lose at least $150 million to $200 million in its theatrical run' according to the
publication
The sequel to the 2019 billion dollar Oscar-winning film was considered
a surefire hit for Warner Bros, yet ended up being slammed by critics and failed to ignite at the box office
Phoenix reprised his role as the Joker in the sequel, which had earned
him an Oscar for his portrayal in the 2019 film, while Gaga took on the role of Harleen Lee Quinzel (Harley Quinn)
Madame Web — which notably also flopped in theaters earlier this year and also received terrible reviews — holds a higher score with a C+.
On Rotten Tomatoes, the movie currently holds an audience score of 31% and a critic score of 32%.
The sequel has been roundly criticized for being a musical and
'ignoring' the DC fanbase - with an agent familiar with director Todd Phillips' process telling Variety he 'wanted nothing to do with
DC' during the making of the film, with DC bosses James Gunn and Peter Safran notably absent from
the film's LA premiere afterparty last month.
A source said: 'If the first movie was about some down-on-his-luck, mentally ill
guy in a downtrodden city, it makes maybe $150 [million] worldwide.
Not a billion. People showed up because that guy was Joker.'
In an apparent snub by Phillips, the opening sequence of the film does not include a DC Studios logo.
A Warner spokesman added that a DC logo appears at the end of the Joker sequel, while Phillips declined to comment to the
publication.
Several frictions are said to have developed between Phillips, DC and Warner- with
claims that Michael DeLuca, Chairperson of Warner Bros.
Entertainment, and CEO Pamela Abdy seemed 'unwilling' to say no to Phillips due to his huge
past successes.
It is claimed Phillips would 'only' speak with DeLuca and Abdy rather than Gunn and Safran - who took control of DC two months before production began on Joker 2 in December 2022.
Gunn and Safran did attend the first director's cut screening for the
studio but Phillips fueled rift speculation when he told a reporter:
'With all due respect to them, this is kind of a Warner Bros.
movie.'
Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav also met with Phillips
shortly after WarnerMedia and Discovery merged in April 2022 and was 'open to filming in Los Angeles if the director would make the sequel at a lower price point.'
The studio wanted to film in London which
would have cost around 20 per cent less.
A source directly involved with the film recently shared: 'The one thing
about genre stuff: If you don't listen and pay attention to what the fan expectations are, you're going to
fail'; director Todd Phillips seen with Gaga and Phoenix
at the LA premiere September 30
However, Phillips insisted on filming in LA with the budget remaining static.
A Warner spokesman told the publication the studio 'supported the decision to film in Los Angeles'.
A source directly involved with the film said: 'No one could get through to Todd.
And the one thing about genre stuff: If you don't listen and pay attention to what the
fan expectations are, you're going to fail.
Insiders also claim studio bosses did not want to premiere the film at the Venice Film Festival, but Phillips
pushed back - with a Warner spokesman saying the studio 'fully supported the decision to bring the film to
Venice.
Along with Gaga and Phoenix, other stars that had appeared in the sequel include Brendan Gleeson, Catherine Keener, Zazie Beatz and
Steve Coogan.
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